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lyrics

Comin' Home
(Lyrics: Joseph Anthony Capstick)

I’ll nivver forget that first day at t’pit. Me and me father worked a seventy two hour shift and then walked home forty-three miles through t’snow in us bare feet. Huddled inside us clothes made of old sacks. Eventually we trudged over t’hill until we could see t’street light twinklin’ in ‘ar village. Me father smiled darn at me through t’icicles hangin’ off his nose.
“Nearly home nar lad” he said.
We stumbled into t’house and stood there freezin’ cold and tired out, shiverin’ and miserable in front o’ t’meagre fire. Anyroad, me mam says,
“Cheer up lads, I’ve got you some nice brown bread and butter for yer tea”
Eee me father went crackers.
“Brown bread and butter? Brown bread and butter? What do you mean brown bread and butter!?!” he said incredulously. “You gret spawny-eyed parrot-faced wazzock!”
He had a way wi’ words me father. He’d been to college you know.
“You’ve been out playing bingo all afternoon instead of gerrin’ some proper snap ready for me an’ this lad!” he explained to me poor confuddled mam. And turnin’ to me he said, “Arthur…”
He could nivver remember me name.
“Here’s half a crown. Nip darn t’chip oil and gerrus a nice piece of haddock for us tea. Man cannot live by bread alone”.
He war a reight tater me father. He said as how workin’ folk should have some dignity and pride and self-respect, and as how they should come home to summat warm and cheerful… and then he chucked me mam on t’fire.
We din’t have no tellies or shoes or bedclothes. We made us own fun in them days. D’you know, when I were a lad, you could gerra tram down into t’Tarn, buy three new suits and an overcoat, four pair o’ good boots, go an’ see George Formby at Palace Theatre, get blind drunk, have some steak an’ chips, a bunch o’ bananas and three stone of monkey nuts, and still have change art on a farthing.
We had lots of things in them days, they haven’t got today. Rickets… Diptheria… Hitler… and by, we did look well going to school with no backside in us trousers and all us little heads painted purple cause we had ringworm.
They dun’t know they’re born today.

credits

from Cpl Kipper's Barnsley Trades Club Turn (2020), released October 8, 2020

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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