I'm Glad It's Not Black Friday Every Day (Christmas Single 2015)

from Merry Xmas Everybody (2016) by The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican & Maartin Allcock

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Lyrics Bar-Stewardized by Scott Doonican
Music written by Roy Wood
Produced by Maartin Allcock

lyrics

When they’re camped out in the snow
Artside the Asda or t'Tesco
I despair for the future of the human race
‘cos by night it should be quiet
But by midnight it’s a riot
They’ll brek darn the doors to mek damn sure that they’re first in line today

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
When the chavs are feightin for a flat-screen on display
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
Why don’t you shop online this Christmas?

When it’s rammed in Marks and Sparks
I think “Stuff this for a lark!”
I would much rather take me chances with eBay
Have you forgotten festive cheer?

Don’t stab a shopper, grab a beer
You can shove this farce right up yer arse until after Boxing Day!

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
Just remember we’re in Britain this is not the USA
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
Don’t punch a stranger out this Christmas?

So if you’re fighting to the front
For an X-Box you’re a chuff
Who is more sadistic than 50 Shades Of Grey
‘cos when Santa brings his sleigh
Around for Jesus’ birthday
You find the kids toys were broken in the fight to the checkout on the way

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
I can leave the Frozen boxset for a fiver for another day
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
I’m gonna stay in me house til Christmas

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
It’s even more ridiculous than Donald Trump’s toupee
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
What the hell went wrong with Christmas?

Why don't you think it through this Christmas?

When they're camped out in the snow
Artside the Asda or t'Tesco

credits

from Merry Xmas Everybody (2016), released December 1, 2016
Scott Doonican - vocals and kazoo orchestra
Maartin Allcock - The Wall Of Sound

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all rights reserved

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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