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lyrics

The Tarn Pub Lament
(Lyrics: Scott Doonican)

Scott: Now in Barnsley, pubs have allus been the talk of the Tarn But within my short lifetime, loads have been shut darn
There used to be loads, but they’re now like yetis
But it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it,
‘Cos we come from Barnsley, Barnsley, Barnsley
‘Cos it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it, we come from Barnsley

Alan: Now in Tarn there were a boozer called the Tut & Shive And it was there ‘til the 90s, when it took a nose-dive
And you’d be walkin’ in manpiss, if you went for a wee
But it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it,
‘Cos we come from Barnsley, Barnsley, Barnsley
‘Cos it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it, we come from Barnsley

Björn: Now in Tarn there were a boozer they called Tommy Wallocks On Sat’day neet it wa’ good craic, but on weekdays it wa’ rubbish
But they changed its name to Chambers, and no more will it be
But it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it,
‘Cos we come from Barnsley, Barnsley, Barnsley
‘Cos it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it, we come from Barnsley

Dave Burland: Now in Tarn there were a grand pub, The Alhambra Hotel Home to Barnsley’s first Folk Club, which has served Barnsley well But it were knocked darn for good, in the early 70’s
But it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it,
‘Cos we come from Barnsley, Barnsley, Barnsley
‘Cos it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it, we come from Barnsley

Scott: Now in Tarn there were an O’Neill’s chain pub that’s long gone It’s been The Shambles and The Londoner but nothing’s lasted long
It’s been Soul Bar and The Underground, but one thing’s guaranteed...
That the beer’s been crap in all of them
Yes consistently, ‘tently, ‘tently
Yes the beer’s been crap in all of them, yes consistently

Alan: Now in Barnsley there were more pubs, within a square mile
Björn: Than any other town in Europe, which med Tarnsfolk smile
Scott: Still it’s better than Sheffield, Roth’rum or Donny
‘Cos it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it,
God Bless old Barnsley, Barnsley, Barnsley
‘Cos it’s Tarn, and we’re proud of it, God Bless old Barnsley

credits

from Cpl Kipper's Barnsley Trades Club Turn (2020), released October 8, 2020

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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