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Bar-Steward Bop (Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Music: T. Ramone) ‘EY UP! LET'S GO! We’re dressed to kill in tank-tops, in Chinos and superb locks And we’ll liven up the crowd with the Bar-Steward Bop Our show is just incendiary - We’re gonna rock, but gently Playing till yer knees go trembly - Bar-Steward Bop ‘Ey up! Let's go! Put the geetars in the boot now Gonna head out - to the show, so load the car up, cos we’re ready to go Chuck the banjos on the back seat - ukuleles under my feet Accordion on’t front seat - Bar-Steward Bop Although the space is confined, the crowds are losing their mind That’s just the way we’re inclined - Bar-Steward Bop Our show is just incendiary - We’re gonna rock, but gently Playing here instead of Wembley - Bar-Steward Bop
No More Heroes (Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Music: H. Cornwell, J.J. Burnel, D. Greenfield, J. Black) Whatever happened to Arthur Scargill? He fought for the pits ‘gainst Maggie Thatcher Whatever happened to dear old Parky? Or Billy Casper, or Gerry Taggart? Whatever happened to the heroes? Whatever happened to the heroes? Whatever happened to all the heroes? They were not zeroes - but they won’t return Whatever happened to the heroes? No more heroes any more. Whatever happened to Brian Glover? Or Charlie Williams, and wheere’s Sam Nixon? Whatever happened to the heroes? No more heroes any more.
Barnsley Rock City (Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Music: D. Bowie & M. Ronson) (Hey up!) It ain’t so grim here in’t Tarn, thannus - (Hey up!) Oi Casper, gerroff those goal posts (Hey up!) We’re art to get off uz face, and a Barnsley lass could really put yer spine art of place (Hey up!) me mates are insane - (Hey up!) they all sup John Smiths like drains (Hey up!) and with their beer-goggles on, there’s only ten pints diff’rence ‘tween a fox and a dog It’s the greatest place man, so go and get thiissen a ticket - Go art rarnd Barnsley Rock City You’’ ‘ave a reight neet art, it’s full of pubs n’ feights n’ wimmen - You know my Barnsley Rock City Is art of sight... it’s not shite (Hey up!) Nah Billy, dun’t be a chuff, gi’ o’er - (Hey up!) A pint of mild is gret stuff, thannus (Hey up!) Nah watch tha dun’t spill me beer! Ah’m havin’ one before the leets go art and then ah’m art of ‘ere In Barnsley Rock City... Hey nan, where’s the chip pan? In Barnsley Rock City - Quite all right - In Barnsley City - Too fine In Barnsley Rock City - Oh my Barnsley Rock City - Barnsley Rocks!
Hi Ho Mr Traffic Warden (Lyrics: Scott Doonican Music: S.English/L.Weiss) You're everywhere and nowhere, lately - You sneaky prat Going darn the local roadsides - In your stupid hat Sticking tickets on the windscreens - Slyer than a rat You’re jumping out just like a ninja - As soon as I’ve turned me back And it’s hi-ho Mr Traffic Warden - Oh you slimy toad, you got me Stick yer ticket where the sun ain’t shining Cos you’re a sneaky chuff - And it’s obvious You’re always hiding rarnd the corner - sneaking art now and then Armed with a fixed penalty notice - your notepad and your Argos pen Anything I say is pointless - You’d only tow me car off instead Your hat must have that yellow line on - so no bugger parks on your head And it’s hi-ho Mr Traffic Warden - Oh you slimy toad, you got me Stick yer ticket where the sun ain’t shining Ooh you cheeky chuff – You think yer marvellous I was parked on the double yellas - And like some renegade, you got me I could try and talk you art of it But you dun’t give a stuff – You’re quite oblivious And it’s hi-ho Mr Traffic Warden - Oh you slimy toad, you got me Stick yer ticket where the sun ain’t shining Cos you’re a flamin’ chuff - And it’s obvious And it’s hi-ho Mr Traffic Warden - Oh you rotten get, you got me… I’m off to B&Q to get an angle-grinder To tek this wheel-clamp off - It’s just ridiculous
Strung Up Like A Good Un’ (Lyrics: Andy Doonican Music: C.Difford) I always knew it would happen - with me and the girl from Shafton Art rarnd Worsbrough Common - that night I ain't forgotten When she dished art her passion - she din’t give it in rations When I said “You aren’t a lady” - she said her dad 'd bray me... We moved into a basement - she talked abart engagement We din’t even ‘ave a telly - and the bathroom was reight smelly We spent our time just suppin' – argued ovver who wa’ cookin’ But she got chuffin’ knocked up - so it was time I f..... walked away I got a job on t’ market - It wor indoor selling carpets They started me on’t Sat’day - so I had me weekly bath on Sunday I worked for half an hour - and nicked me bird some flowers She said she'd seen a doctor - and almost nowt could stop her I grafted through the winter - I switched from lager t’ bitter I almost saved a tenner - then spent-up on an all dayer And when the time was ready - I even nicked a telly She weren’t back’ard at comin’ for’ard – cos she even wanted Sky+ (...HD an all!) This morning at four twenty – contractions, she had plenty Rushed her to the Barnsley General - the next few hours were mental She came home with a daughter - within a year I wondered Why she din’t look like her mother - so who the fecks the Mother? Now the babby’s two years older - her mother's pissed off with a soldier Nivver knew a lass more bolder - Me mates said she’d do me ovver Being a dad came and took me - from t’ playgroup to the dole queue No more neets art nickin tellies - just chuffin’ loadsa nappies smelling Alone here in’t kitchen - I feel there's summat missin' The kid’s ginger with an afro - and how the hell, I dun’t know! The ex wain't do a DNA test - Cos Jezza Kyle he knows best And so it's no assumption - I’ve been strung up like a good un’
Friday Neet 02:55
Friday Neet (Lyrics: S.Doonican / Music: B.Martin/P.Coulter)
(You Gotta) Fight For Your Pint (In Barnsley) (Lyrics: Scott Doonican/Andy Doonican Music: M.Diamond/A.Yauch/A.Horovitz/R.Rubin/T.Cushman) It's Friday night - you're with your mates - you're off ararnd the Tarn You head into't Walkabart, you know that it's your round The bar is chocker-block so it's gunna tek a bit And they're queuing seven deep even though the ale is pretty shit... YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR PINT IN BARNSLEY! You reach into your pocket and you say no way You've spent fifty quid already, so how the hell 'you gunna pay? The DJ drops a beat, your mate says "What's that noise!?" You say: "Lad they're rockin' gently, it's the Bar-Steward Boys!" YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR PINT IN BARNSLEY! You've been waiting thirty minutes and you're working up a thirst You try to catch the barman's eye but he's chatting up the birds "Nar then, I'll have four Stellas and a WKD - mek it blue for't lady" "Yer kidding lad, I'm 32 - I've just go ID'd!" (Busted) YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR PINT IN BARNSLEY (I'm tellin' ya) YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR PINT IN BARNSLEY IN BARNSLEY
I Predict A Riot (Lyrics: S.Doonican Music: R. Wilson/A.White/S.Rix/N.Baines/N.Hodgson) Watching the policemen go lairy It's not very pretty I tell thee Walking through’t tarn is quite scary It's not very sensible either And now chavs are looting the poundshops At the market they’ve stole all the pork chops And Kipper’s chucking buns at the cop-shop He’s not very sensible Aah... La la la la la la Aah... La la la la la la I predict a riot - I predict a riot I predict a riot - I predict a riot There were birds feighting with their stillettos Over things they had robbed from Netto You would have thought that they’d have gone darn to’t’ Tescos Yes - it looked like a scene from the Ghetto Their looting had been pretty thorough There were no 10 pence beans in the borough And there’ll be panic buying tomorrow It’s really quite typical Aah... La la la la la la Aah... La la la la la la I predict a riot - I predict a riot I predict a riot - I predict a riot And if there's any stuff left in’t Tarn Yer gonna hafta nail it darn - I predict a riot Watching the looters go lairy They're not pretty clever I tell thee And in Greggs they’ve nicked all of the pasties It's really quite criminal
Lyrics: S.Doonican/B.Taupin
Avon Calling 03:24
Avon Calling (Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Music: J. Strummer, M. Jones) Avon calling to the houses in’t Tarn - I’ll post you a catalogue and then come back ararnd Avon calling to all of you girls - we’ve got lippy and blusher and stuff for hair curls Avon calling, now lads dun’t mek a fuss… cos they even sell a rub-on-cream to firm-up her bust Avon calling, turn your passion full-swing - Cos we’ve even got lingerie to hide bingo-wings Our new range is coming - get your order straight in - cos we really can do what it says on the tin Your neck may be sagging but our stuff it’s not dear - cos Avon is calling and I… always deliver Avon calling so come have a look ‘tween the grand gorgeous pages of the glossy good book Avon calling with make-up galore and essential oils that you’ll never need to target your pores Avon calling, well I dun’t wanna shart, but they’ve got chicken-fillets for when you’re goin’ art Avon calling, we’ve got great tweezers there, that’ll pluck out your eyebrows or your rogue pubic hair Free bags with each purchase. You’ll be glad you shopped here Cos Avon is calling so you... won’t look like a dog’s dinner Avon calling - we’ve got new lotions just in that’ll fight off dark hairs growing art of your chin Avon calling with cosmetics so cheap - but you must be an onion if beauty’s skin deep Fighting wrinkles, stretch-marks and old saggy skin - Avon is calling so you… never look like Joan Rivers
Jump Ararnd 03:54
Jump Ararnd (Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Music: E. Schrody) Listen up, listen in, we’re ‘bart to begin - Well I came to sing, bugger me, what a sin But dun’t git yer backs up, if we turn t’ sarnd up - That’s how we roll, till the whole room just cracks up Get up, stand up, come on, chuck yer hands up - When the crowd are reelin’, we mek ‘em hit the ceilin’ I dun’t wear a string vest, ‘not like I’m a hunk, but I’ll eat a pork pie and then I’ll tek the crust home Think it, thunk it, we ha’n’t gorra drum-kit - we’ve got more beats than seeds in a pumpkin Don’t be shocked - sure ‘nuff we wain’t stop, coz we’ve got more hits than New Kids On’t Block We came to get darn - We came to get darn - So get art ‘yer seats ‘n jump ararnd Jump ararnd - Jump ararnd - Jump ararnd - Jump up jump up and get darn. Just serve me a pint of Acorn on draught - I’m nowt like a brush, cuz I’ve nivver bin daft Well word to yer mother, I’m ‘ere wi’ me brothers - I’ve got more rhymes than a cart-load of others But just like a Bar-Steward Son I’ve returned, for anyone rocking but gently’s concerned We rewrite lyrics for you to have fun - so if you’ve come to see us, hope you have some Me rappin’ dun’t scan when I run art of breath - We wear tank-tops, so we dun’t catch uz death Yes we dress to kill, uz hair it looks brill - we’re t’Bar-Steward Sons and we aim to thrill We’re the cream o’t’ crop, we rise to’t’ top, but we ain’t the kinda stuff they put on Top Of The Pops But y’know we work greater than Mr Motivator, as a personal trainer for Mr Johnny Vegas But we ain’t going out like no daft chuffs - You know we’ve got style, you know we’re the right stuff We go art rarnd tarn, sup the pints darn - fill up yer heead until you wek up like t’Dawn of the Deead We’re coming to get ya, coming to get ya - Spittin’ art lyrics… Westwood, we’ve bet ya!


A whole year in the creating, 'EY UP! LET'S GO marked the second line-up of Scott, Alan #1 and Andy recording a lot of the crowd-favourites they'd been gigging since 2011.

With its Ramones-esque cover, eight of the twelve tracks took their roots from the 70s music scene featuring punk, glam, disco and pop classics.

The album was launched exactly one year to the day that former founding member Danny Doonican had left the band, and so became a marker of what the 'Mk. II' line-up of the band were capable of.

The band were touring the 'EY UP' album when they played their first festival show at Beautiful Days Festival's Bandstand in 2012, cementing the band's reputation for comedic parodies.

This album comes with a bonus PDF of lyrics and sleeve notes in the form of a 'Listener's Guide' (taken from Scott Doonican's book 'Songs In The Key Of Tarn').

I thought it would be fun to leave this review of the album which was written when it was released. At least we sorted that issue of appealing to people beyond Yorkshire...


"Cover albums. Always a tricky prospect for even the most accomplished of bands. Do you strive for a painstakingly accurate recreation – only to be accused of missing an opportunity to innovate, or do you risk your own adaptation with potential backlash from those long devoted to the original? The more loved the band, the higher the stakes.

Not afraid of a challenge, Barnsley trio The Bar-Steward Sons Of Val Doonican have somehow succeeded on both fronts with latest offering ‘Ey Up! Let’s Go’. Offering musically perfect recreations (complete with added ukulele and accordion) of much loved classics from The Ramones, The Clash and Elton John, to more diverse choices from the Beastie Boys, House Of Pain and Kaiser Chiefs, the band add their own twist reworking lyrics with an abundance of references to their South Yorkshire home.

As you’d expect there’s plenty of humour to be found in the likes of ‘(You Gotta) Fight For Your Pint (In Barnsley)’, ‘Hi Ho Mr Traffic Warden’, ‘Avon Calling’ and ‘Jump Ararnd’ (not to mention the ‘B.I.S.T.O’ hidden track). And whilst it would be easy to applaud this as mere bit of fun, there’s no denying the album has been put together with a lot of passion and respect. Even the artwork is a superb spoof of the Ramones self-titled.

The album’s most accomplished moment comes from a cover of the Kaiser Chief’s‘I Predict a Riot’ – sampling David Cameron’s (yes, you did read that correctly) speeches from last year’s London riots. A simple yet obvious choice that manages to raise the cover above and beyond the original – adding a feel authenticity that was perhaps lacking on the 2004 hit.

Of course, there will be some that find the album too much of a novelty to take seriously (hence why Hayseed Dixie never quite escaped the club circuit with their similar blend of Rock meets Bluegrass). You also have to question the album’s appeal outside of Yorkshire. However, clocking in just over 30 minutes ‘Ey Up! Let’s Go’ is over long before there’s any hint of outstaying its welcome. A rare accomplishment for any cover album, and one that offers plenty of laughs along the way."


released March 17, 2012

Scott Doonican:
Vocals, Acoustic and Electric Geetar, Banjo, Guitjo, Ukulele, Bass, Piano, Piano Accordion, Melodica, Bouzouki, Wazoogle, Drum Programming, owt else!

Andy Doonican:
12-String and 6-String Acoustic Geetars, Bouzouki

Alan Doonican #1:
Piano Accordion, Piano, Keyboards, Spoken word vocals on B.I.S.T.O.


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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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