I'm Glad It's Not Black Friday Every Day

by The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican & Maartin Allcock

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All profits from The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican's 2015 Christmas single will be given to Barnsley Hospice. You can donate more than the asking price if you wish. Thanks for your festive generosity.

We'd like to thank the mighty Maartin Allcock for all of the time he has given us, and for making this track sound so HUGE! We couldn't have done it without you matey.

The 'B-Side' bonus tracks are our previous two year's singles for anyone who didn't already have them.

Happy Christmas Doonifans.

credits

released November 27, 2015

Lyrics composed by Scott Doonican
Music composed by Roy Wood
Arrangement created by Maartin Allcock & Scott Doonican

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley Rock City in't north, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are determined to follow in their father's immortal footsteps. They naturally began to perform other famous people’s songs complete with lyrics about life in't North and to complete their squeaky-clean image, they became instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense.
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Track Name: I'm Glad It's Not Black Friday Every Day
Lyrics: Scott Doonican
Concept: Scott Doonican, Björn Doonicansson & Amanda White

When they’re camped out in the snow
Outside the Asda or Tesco
I despair for the future of the human race
‘cos by night it should be quiet
But by midnight it’s a riot
They’ll brek darn the doors
To mek damn sure that they’re first in line today

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
When the chavs are feightin for a flat-screen on display
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
Why don’t you shop online this Christmas?

When it’s rammed in Marks and Sparks
I think “Stuff this for a lark!”
I would much rather take me chances with eBay
Have you forgotten festive cheer?
Don’t stab a shopper, grab a beer
You can shove this farce right up yer arse
Until after Boxing Day!

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
Just remember we’re in Britain this is not the USA
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
Don’t punch a stranger out this Christmas?

So if you’re fighting to the front
For an X-Box you’re a chuff
Who is more sadistic than 50 Shades Of Grey
‘cos when Santa brings his sleigh
Around for Jesus’ birthday
You find the kids toys were broken
In the fight to the checkout on the way

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
I can leave the Frozen boxset for a fiver for another day
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
I’m gonna stay in me house til Christmas

Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
It’s even more ridiculous than Donald Trump’s toupee
Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day
What the hell went wrong with Christmas?

Why don't you think it through this Christmas?

When they're camped out in the snow
Outside the Asda or Tesco...
Track Name: Scott Doonican - We Don't Need 1D This Christmas
Lyrics: Scott Doonican & Amanda White

Try to imagine a dirge so monotone
Five idiots miming behind switched off microphones
Forget festive... I’m aggressive
You can stick yer 'HO! HO! HO!'
I know just what I want for Christmas
One Direction have to go!

We don’t need 1D this Christmas
Enough is enough
We don’t need 1D this Christmas
These turkeys should get stuffed
Deck them, not the halls
And kick 1D in the baubles this Christmas

I can remember in a good old-fashioned way
How we could listen to the charts on Christmas Day
But now I can’t calm down, I need a plan
To set the planet free
Could we all cope with five strong ropes
And them hung from my Christmas tree?

We don’t need 1D this Christmas
Just a foolproof master-plan
And for their war-crimes to music
Stick them in a Wicker Man
We could enjoy our Christmas roast
Turning 1D into toast this Christmas

So just remember, every time a young girl downloads a One Direction song, or even worse asks their parents for their new album on vinyl on time for Christmas Day with their new Crosley One Direction record player, somewhere a Barnsley comedy band, who worked hard all year to get their record to their dedicated fans and didn’t have millions of pounds to do it, will be well and truly narked off.

We didn’t need 1D this Christmas
Thankyou Geldof you great chuff
And whilst we’re on the subject
Bono bugger off!
We don’t need 1D this Christmas
And we don’t need Simon Cowell
No girls it’s NOT the Best Song Ever
They should all be disembowelled
Stick them with Bieber and Cyrus
And give them all norovirus for Christmas
Track Name: The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican & Friends - Do They Know It's Christmas? (Wath-On-Dearne)
Lyrics: Scott Doonican