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1.
Have you sold the NHS to all your mates Overtaxed the poor and axed their interest rates Have you lined all of your pockets Put a tonne in a Swiss bank While the whole thing stinks just like a septic tank So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's looking glum Where is our future now? You've sold it to your chums While you're waiting for the families to starve Are you trying to cut that deficit in half? While me granny's sat theer freezin' Her fuel allowance has been axed You'll be sat in your huge house, warm and relaxed So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's had enough There is no future now, like turkeys, we've been stuffed What would old Maggie do Probably snatch the milk left out for Santa Claus ahaaaaa haaa There's no hanging up a stocking on your wall When your Christmas Dinner comes from a food-hall While they're frackin' on hillside There are millions unemployed While the poor stay poor, the rich stay overjoyed So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's looking glum Where is our future now? You've sold it to your chums So now your Christmas is cancelled Cos the there's no-one having fun Look to the future now… they've only just begun
2.
Have you sold the NHS to all your mates Overtaxed the poor and axed their interest rates Have you lined all of your pockets Put a tonne in a Swiss bank While the whole thing stinks just like a septic tank So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's looking glum Where is our future now? You've sold it to your chums While you're waiting for the families to starve Are you trying to cut that deficit in half? While me granny's sat theer freezin Her fuel allowance has been axed You'll be sat in your huge house, warm and relaxed So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's had enough There is no future now, like turkeys, we've been stuffed What would old Maggie do Probably snatch the milk left out for Santa Claus ahaaaaa haaa There's no hanging up a stocking on your wall When your Christmas Dinner comes from a food-hall While they're frackin' on hillside There are millions unemployed While the poor stay poor, the rich stay overjoyed So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's looking glum Where is our future now? You've sold it to your chums So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody's had enough There is no future now, like turkeys, we've been stuffed So now your Christmas is cancelled Cos the there's no-one having fun Look to the future now… they've only just begun
3.
Wake up, little Susie, wake up Wake up, little Susie, wake up We've both been sound asleep, wake up, little Susie, and weep The movie's over, it's four o'clock, and we're in trouble deep Wake up little Susie Wake up little Susie Well, whatta we gonna tell your mama? Whatta we gonna tell your pa? Whatta we gonna tell our friends when they say "ooh-la-laâ"? Wake up little Susie Wake up little Susie Well I told your mama that you'd be in by ten Well Susie baby looks like we goofed again Wake up little Susie Wake up little Susie, we gotta go home Wake up, little Susie, wake up Wake up, little Susie, wake up The movie wasn't so hot, it didn't have much of a plot We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot Wake up little Susie Wake up little Susie Well, whatta we gonna tell your mama? Whatta we gonna tell your pa? Whatta we gonna tell our friends when they say "ooh-la-laâ"? Wake up little Susie Wake up little Susie Wake up little Susie
4.
When they’re camped out in the snow Artside the Asda or t'Tesco I despair for the future of the human race ‘cos by night it should be quiet But by midnight it’s a riot They’ll brek darn the doors to mek damn sure that they’re first in line today Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day When the chavs are feightin for a flat-screen on display Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day Why don’t you shop online this Christmas? When it’s rammed in Marks and Sparks I think “Stuff this for a lark!” I would much rather take me chances with eBay Have you forgotten festive cheer? Don’t stab a shopper, grab a beer You can shove this farce right up yer arse until after Boxing Day! Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day Just remember we’re in Britain this is not the USA Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day Don’t punch a stranger out this Christmas? So if you’re fighting to the front For an X-Box you’re a chuff Who is more sadistic than 50 Shades Of Grey ‘cos when Santa brings his sleigh Around for Jesus’ birthday You find the kids toys were broken in the fight to the checkout on the way Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day I can leave the Frozen boxset for a fiver for another day Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day I’m gonna stay in me house til Christmas Well I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day It’s even more ridiculous than Donald Trump’s toupee Oh I’m glad it’s not Black Friday every day What the hell went wrong with Christmas? Why don't you think it through this Christmas? When they're camped out in the snow Artside the Asda or t'Tesco

about

So here it is... Merry Christmas:

I genuinely spent a lot of time trying to gauge this right. As a comedy band, I know we have absolutely no right to be wandering into politics, nor should we ever be satirical or indeed ever be poignant. That's just simply not our job. Our job is to be funny and bring smiles to the faces of as many as we can. That we know to be true... BUT...

This Christmas we tried to do something totally out of character, i.e. NOT be funny but still bring smiles to the faces of those in need. Excuse us if you disagree strongly. Normal service will resume in 2017.
In the words of Shelter's own campaign 'Enough is Enough'.

We do hope our fans and friends will get behind this year's Christmas single - please share it far and wide but more importantly download it. Every penny of profit goes straight to Shelter this year to help those much less fortunate than ourselves. Dig deep, spread the word, and remember, just when we all think we have it bad, there are often many more that are worse off than ourselves.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank our amazing Producer to the Stars, our dear friend, Maartin Allcock, and also our partner-in-crime, Barnsley's finest renegade of folk, Dave Burland for joining us. It's been an absolute dream to work with both of you, but more so as you both shared our vision and our message.

Peace, love and understanding
Scott Doonican
1st Dec 2016

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released December 1, 2016

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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