Arse On Fire
(Lyrics: S.Doonican)

It’s 1 o’clock in the morning… you been rarnd the tarn - And you’ve now got the munchies… you’re hungry
Like bees around honey… like a moth to a flame - You stagger off for a curry… no worries
Your legs work like a Sat Nav… and tek you to the K2 - You stumble in lookin’ plastered… “I’ll have pork vindaloo”
They don’t hold back on the chillies, they don’t hold back on the spice - And you wolf it darn quickly… so quickly

Bugger! Your mouth is on fire! Woah! Can’t help but perspire!

Now it’s early next morning… you could drink a tap dry - Your mouth’s like Ghandi’s flip-flops… but you cannot think why
And your head it is pounding and you can’t stop the pain - You’re feelin’ so dehydrated… so wasted
But your gut’s feeling jippy... you know it ain’t right - And then you remember... what you ate last night
And you push back the bedsheets... and you race to the bog - And you only just make it... you made it

Bugger! Your arse is on fire! Woah! Now the temperature’s higher

Yes your bum’s like a cherry... it’s red and it’s raw - You daren’t move from the toilet… it feels incredibly sore
Coz it seems that it’s hotter on the way out than going in in the first place… you have good reason to shout
The toilet-roll’s on the fridge shelf… yes you need some relief - But your Ring of Fire… it beggars belief
As your Khyber Pass suffers from Ghandi’s Revenge - It smelt so bad I could taste it… taste it

Bugger! Your arse is on fire! Woah! With the flames burning higher!