Arse On Fire

from The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican / 2008-2018 by The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican

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lyrics

Arse On Fire
Lyrics: Scott Doonican

It’s 1 o’clock in the morning
And you’ve been rarnd the Tarn
And you’ve now got the munchies… you’re hungry
Like bees around honey, like a moth to a flame
You stagger off for a curry… no worries
Your legs work like a Sat Nav and tek you to the K2
You stumble in lookin’ plastered,
“I’ll have pork vindaloo”
They don’t hold back on the chillies,
They don’t hold back on the spice
And you wolf it darn quickly… so quickly

Bugger! Your mouth is on fire!
Woah! Can’t help but perspire!

Now it’s early next morning,
You could drink a tap dry
Your mouth’s like Ghandi’s flip-flops,
But you cannot think why
And your head it is pounding and you can’t stop the pain
You’re feelin’ so dehydrated… so wasted
But your gut’s feeling jippy, you know it ain’t right
And then you remember... what you ate last night
And you push back the bedsheets, and you race to the bog
And you only just make it... you made it

Bugger! Your arse is on fire!
Woah! Now the temperature’s higher

Yes, your bum’s like a cherry, it’s red and it’s raw
You daren’t move from the toilet…
It feels incredibly sore
‘cos it seems that it’s hotter on the way out
Than going in in the first place,
You have good reason to shout
The toilet-roll’s on the fridge shelf,
Yes, you need some relief
But your Ring of Fire… it beggars belief
As your Khyber Pass suffers from Ghandi’s Revenge
It smelt so bad I could taste it… taste it

Bugger! Your arse is on fire!
Woah! With the flames burning higher!

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from The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican / 2008-2018, released May 27, 2018

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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