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lyrics

Avon Calling
(Lyrics: Scott Doonican)

Avon calling to the houses in’t Tarn - I’ll post you a catalogue and then come back ararnd
Avon calling to all of you girls - we’ve got lippy and blusher and stuff for hair curls
Avon calling, now lads dun’t mek a fuss… cos they even sell a rub-on-cream to firm-up her bust
Avon calling, turn your passion full-swing - Cos we’ve even got lingerie to hide bingo-wings
Our new range is coming - get your order straight in - cos we really can do what it says on the tin
Your neck may be sagging but our stuff it’s not dear - cos Avon is calling and I… always deliver

Avon calling so come have a look ‘tween the grand gorgeous pages of the glossy good book
Avon calling with make-up galore and essential oils that you’ll never need to target your pores
Avon calling, well I dun’t wanna shart, but they’ve got chicken-fillets for when you’re goin’ art
Avon calling, we’ve got great tweezers there, that’ll pluck out your eyebrows or your rogue pubic hair
Free bags with each purchase. You’ll be glad you shopped here
Cos Avon is calling so you... won’t look like a dog’s dinner

Avon calling - we’ve got new lotions just in that’ll fight off dark hairs growing art of your chin
Avon calling with cosmetics so cheap - but you must be an onion if beauty’s skin deep
Fighting wrinkles, stretch-marks and old saggy skin - Avon is calling so you… never look like Joan Rivers

credits

from 'EY UP! LET'S GO! (2012), released March 17, 2012

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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