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lyrics

Amaretto
Lyrics: Alan Doonican / Scott Doonican

There's a habit forming
A ritual I do each morning
It might sound strange, to be fair
But it's my thing and I just don't care!
Mouthwash is far too minty
When you get out of bed
I like mine sweet and nutty
With a boozy kick instead

Cos I've been drinking Amaretto
Got it years ago from t'Netto
Better than Listerine or Dentyl
Because it tastes so almondy
Me morning fix of Amaretto
I gargle high and then just swallow
It helps me reach a nice falsetto
And lubricates me pipes for me

The alarm clock's ringing
Me voice is shot - me breath is minging
Sound like Tom Waits with asthma
But I can cure it, there's nowt faster
So do one laryngitis
Cos you have met your match
All I do is gargle
And then it's down the hatch!

A cheeky swig of Amaretto
They sell the good stuff now in Tesco
No longer sound like Yoko Ono
Cos it goes down so easily
Chugging down the Amaretto
I feel like I could dance Bolero
But I'll prob'ly wind up in the ghetto
Cos I'm not hooked on herbal tea

credits

from Place Of Spades (2019), released June 30, 2019

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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