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lyrics

Lyrics: Scott Doonican

Someone lately, just drives me crazy
It's getting out of hand
And all the while, I feel hostile
It's safe to say I'm no fan
In packed arenas, he sounds like Beaker
In a scene from Muppet Labs
Just give us Kylie, cos there's nothing smiley
About the saddest singer in the land

But oh how it drives me mad
Each high pitched note in the Key of Sad
And there every chuffing chance he will incense me
When he sings softly and slowly

Sam Smith's such a whiny chancer
Is something stuck inside his airway?
It's like he's sucking on lemon
And someone's kicked his plums today

And at his peak, he's still downbeat
"Will it ever end?" I pray to God
Bereft of cheer, I'd rather volunteer
And opt for death by firing squad
But here comes Sam, Pop Prince of Bland
Into the auditorium
He takes so long, with each sad, sad song
His warbling words, go on and on (and on and on and on...)

Have I missed a trick? What's the huge appeal
With this high pitched whingy balladeer?
It's like they went and autotuned a banshee
Still whinging softly, slowly...

Sam Smith's such a whiny chancer
He could make you feel thankful for Coldplay
His albums should have a health warning
Just pass the razor blades this way

Sam Smith's such a whiny chancer
A bloke who makes Thom Yorke look jolly
And while we're at it, that's no Bond Theme
I'd sooner die another day

credits

from Place Of Spades (2019), released June 30, 2019

license

all rights reserved

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about

The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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