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lyrics

When we were kids me mam she loved her chip pan
So much she'd use it each and every night
At night the lard was clear with jet black bits in
But by morning it was cold and hard and white

I can’t remember what it was that changed things
Was it gradual or was it overnight?
Do we blame McCains, Iceland or Auntie Bessies
Or that chuffin’ Jamie Oliver for our chipped-potato blight?

Now some of my chips are floppy
And the rest are dark as night
Where they once had fluffy centres
In every gorgeous, golden bite
But after working all day
I can't deal with King Edwards tonight…

No I can't face the peeling anymore
I know I should but it seems such a chore
Mam's fabled chip pan's joined the dinosaurs
And passed into folklore, forever
No I can't face the peeling anymore
I watch me soggy chips cook through the oven door
And later flaccid on my plate
Looking quite the sorry state
But I can't face the peeling anymore

Fast forward thirty years and now I’m older
Mam’s chip-pan had been condemned some years ago
Last year I went and made the resolution
That I wanted to lose seven pounds
But now I’ve thirteen more to go

And it’s not that I mind cookin’
But when it gets to Friday night
Ar lass likes a jumbo sausage and I don’t mind a Pukka Pie
So a trip to the chippy will be my big workout tonight

Cos I don’t face the peeling anymore
It’s a humdrum menial task that I abhor
I don’t care what’s behind that pantry door
Where that bag of Maris Pipers lay waiting
No I can't face the peeling anymore
And those curly fries from Aldi taste quite poor
So pile the real deal on that tray
Keep my hunger pangs at bay
Cos I can’t face the peeling anymore.

credits

from Rugh & Ryf (2022), released May 25, 2022
Scott: vocals, acoustic guitar, keyboards, bass, drum programming
Björn: fiddle, mandolin
Alan: keyboards, piano accordion

Written by Alan Doonican, Scott Doonican and Amanda White

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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