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lyrics

Crosstarn Traffic
(Lyrics: S.Doonican)
 
That Punto in front of me car, has got me stuffed
Crawling less than a mile an hour, and I'm reight dischuffed
I'm gonna lose me rag, with all these total farts
Backed-up from Ardsley Hill to Stairfoot Rarndabart
 
I’m stuck in crosstarn traffic  -  Why’s it allus stuck on red?
Crosstarn traffic  -  Could have had this hour in bed!
Crosstarn traffic  -  Drive-Time Radio is sick
Tracy Chapman singing ‘Fast Car’ teks the mick!
 
Numpties in Four by Four’s, they’re art theer on the school-run
Their daily carbon footprint, must weigh a metric tonne
If it’s less than 90 yards, from your house to the school,
Then why not walk it theer and back, you gormless chuffing fool!?
 
Still here in crosstarn traffic  -  May as well be in reverse
Crosstarn traffic  -  Being cut-up by a hearse
Crosstarn traffic  -  There’s a gap; move forward mate
Or else I’ll beat you half-to-death with your hand-brake!
 
Been stuck for ovver an hour, and it’s quite unsportsmanlike
But I want to deck that bloke that just shot past on his push-bike
It’s total gridlock, and I’ve lost the will to live
You can honk that horn from noon to night for all the shits I give
 
That chuffin’ crosstarn traffic  -  it’s near burnt out me clutch  
I'm far from happy  -  nivver chuffin’ swore as much
Crosstarn traffic  -  there’s no movement and no power
And a definite lack of rush in this 'Rush Hour'

credits

from 'Ave It : Bold As Brass (2017), released June 17, 2017

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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