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lyrics

Me mates and me missus took the mick
When I told them of me misery
The doctor said that it's repetitive strain
But they're still laughin... at me
They loved to take the piss
About my aching wrist
But there was absolutely nothing that I could do
And now I'm here to set the record straight,
As I explain to you
That I've never done nowt dodgy
It's not hard to understand
And there's very valid reasons
For me dead right hand


I remember when it started, in 1984
It began with 'Daly Thompson's Declathon'
On the Commodore 64
A rapid blur, so quick,
Bashing on me joystick
But I was quite the expert with me javelin in hand
And on the 15 hundred meters
I'd always take the gold medal on the stand
There's no need to cast aspersions
No, you've got to understand
The early 80s generation
Have a dead right hand

I just became a nightmare... at night I could not sleep
The stiffness and the cramp, got worse if it was damp
And it throbbed unmercililessly
The doctor gave advice,
He said "You're paying the price,
For all those years of pleasure
That your hand has given you"
Take a rest... Relax. It might pull through
I now play chess and rest
But when me Bishop's in me hand
There's a distant muscle mem'ry
In me dead right hand

And it hurts on 'Place Of Spades'
When I'm rehearsing with the band
Why does nobody believe me
'bout me dead right hand?

credits

from Rugh & Ryf (2022), released May 25, 2022
Scott: vocals, acoustic guitar, drum programming, tubular bell, timpani, Stylophone, electric guitar
Björn: mandolin, fiddle
Alan: Piano accordion

Special guests...
Mojo Doonican: bass
Hugh Whitaker: vibraslap

Written by Scott Doonican and Amanda White

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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