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lyrics

 ‘elp!
(Lyrics: Scott Doonican)
 
‘elp! I need somebody
‘elp! Christ, send me anybody
‘elp! you know I need someone
‘elp!
 
When I was art rarnd Tarn at neet last Saturday
I never thought that I’d be needing ‘elp in anyway
My poor old liver cried from the pain that it endured
I got so blind, I were art o’ me mind,
And I fell darn on the floor
 
‘elp me if you can ‘cos I’ve fallen darn
But the drunks art on the street just walked ararnd
Just ‘elp me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please ‘elp me
 
And how the Tarn has changed in oh so many ways
I was helped by some pensioners
Who’d been on Songs of Praise
They said we’re street pastors,
We’ll pray for where you’re sore
They helped me up, and give me watter to sup
And they ‘elped me off of the floor
 
They’ll ‘elp you if they can when you’re face darn
In a puddle of your own sick when you’re in t’Tarn
They may look like the audience members on Countdown
But in Jesus’ name will help thee
 
When I went art last neet I saw ‘em yet again
They gave some flip-flops to a lass who was in pain
Her high-heeled shoes had left her feet in agony
She couldn’t walk, but they sat and talked
About God’s guarantee
 
That He’ll help you if He can when you fall darn
Or even if you’ve gone berserk and had ten rounds
Bringing prayers and watter to the drunks in Tarn
And they’ll lend a hand to ‘elp thee, ‘elp thee, ‘elp thee

credits

from Sat'day Neet Fever (2013) [includes bonus video​-​stream access], released February 2, 2013
Thanks to Sally Lomas for the inspiration for this one.
This song is dedicated to Barnsley's team of Street Pastors.

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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