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lyrics

Massage In A Brothel
Lyrics: Scott Doonican
 
Lost in Amsterdam, so drunk that I can’t see, oh 
And I can’t find me mates, there’s no-one left but me, oh 
And on those cobbled streets, I slipped and put me back out 
And I could hardly move, all I could was shout-out 

A lass walked up to me, she was ever so polite 
She said “My name’s Roxanne”, under crimson neon lights 
She helped me to my feet, and walked me up some stairs 
To a small red apartment, it was then that I got scared 

I’d send an SMS to me bird
But I know that she’ll go completely berserk 
I know I’ve really cocked up
I never meant to end up 
Or even planned to get a massage in a brothel 

I woke face down, I got up to get my coat 
I knew by then it was time to depart 
But she blocked the door, she was all dressed in leather 
With a gimp mask and a riding crop, she’d break more than my heart 

I’d send an SMS to me bird
But I know she’ll go completely berserk 
I know Roxanne did not stop, and I could hardly stand up 
Me back felt worse after that massage in a brothel 

Woke up next morning, I don’t believe what I saw 
Whips and chains and rubber objects scattered round the floor 
It was then I screamed at the top of me lungs 
As she gave me lacerations right across me plums 

I’d send an SMS to me bird
But with me hands in chains it won’t work 
I didn’t need a close-up, I know I nearly threw up 
I never thought it would get messy in that brothel 

Sendin’ out an SOS, rather than an SMS 
I need some time to convalesce
After all of this undue stress 

I’d send an SMS to me bird
But I know that she’d go completely berserk 
I’m looking pretty messed up
She’ll say you better grow up 
And to think it started with a massage in a brothel

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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