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lyrics

Beware the middle of the aisles
In the Lidl when you're there
They've got an orbital sander
And rubbish nylon ski wear
I might pop in for some parsley
Or summat quick for me tea
But then I end up stood browsing
Stupid shit I don't need

I try to cross to the opposite side
But it still drags me in, if I go in for booze
I once went in for semi skimmed milk
Leaving with power tools, that I never will use

In the middle of the aisles
They've got stuff you can't believe
A barbecue and a kayak
A tool for sucking up leaves
A thirty watt nose hair strimmer
A motion sensor bin
They got a Black and Decker Workbench
And a compact home gym

I try to cross to the opposite side
But I can't help the urge, I can never refuse
I only wanted some flour and eggs
But left a skateboard and ill fitting shoes

It's round the very central aisles
That ar lass prohibits me
I'm not allowed to go near them now
And in fairness I see
That it's prob'ly an illness
Cos no-one really needs that
They dress it up as a bargain
But it's an aisle full of tat

I try to cross to the opposite side
But temptation's greater than all of my fears
It only takes me a second or two
Before I'm there at the checkout
With cheap scuba gear...

In the middle of the night
I couldnt get to sleep
Cos I saw it in the centre spread
Of the Lidl Weekly
A cure for my problems
Cos hoarding isn't a sin
They got a flat pack shed this week
For me to keep it all in
On the very middle aisle

credits

from Rugh & Ryf (2022), released May 25, 2022
Scott: vocals, acoustic guitar, bass, piano, ukulele, electric guitar, drum programming
Björn: fiddle, 5-string banjo, mandolin
Alan: piano accordion

Written by Scott Doonican and Amanda White

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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