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lyrics

Nandos
Lyrics: Scott Doonican /  Amanda White / Elliot Smaje
 
It was dimly lit by candle
When I took you out for a romantic night of bliss
The waiter poured the Vino Blanco
Should have poured it darn the sink
Because it tasted just… too tart
I looked down at the menu,
And what I saw there, struck terror in my heart
 
It could’ve been in Esperanto
For all the sense it made, it was all Greek to me
No food should look so mangled
You know just where to shove your Piri-Piri recipe?
I closed my eyes and hoped and prayed
That what they brought was fish n chips with peas
 
There was summat on me plate last night
The food was shite at Nando’s
I dunno what it was they brought to eat
It smelt like feet at Nando’s
Although it seemed that there was tonnes of choice
I had regrets
If I had to do the same today
I’d say “No way” to Nando’s
 
I acted smooth like Marlon Brando
In ‘The Wild One’ back in 1953
But my plate looked like John Rambo
Had attacked the lot with an unsharpened machete
And if the chicken was free-range
I’m pretty sure that it was not happy.
 
There was very little I could do
It tasted poo at Nando’s
It smelt just like a septic tank
The food was rank at Nando’s
And when they brought the bill
My wallet broke into a sweat
And even if I could forget the smell
I’d say to hell with Nando's
 
Even Abba wouldn’t take a chance
The food was pants at Nando’s
Dun’t know what it was that took us there
I found a hair at Nando’s
And though I try to block that image out
I can’t forget
I wouldn’t recommend the pitta wrap
It tasted poor at Nando's

credits

from Talk Of The Tarn (2014), released May 25, 2014

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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