Paint 'em Back

from 'Ave It : Bold As Brass (2017) by The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican

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lyrics

Paint 'em Back
(Lyrics: S.Doonican/A.White)

I saw you from behind but was ta-ken aback
When you turned round I nearly had a heart attack
I see girls pass me by, but I’m far from aroused
What makes you do the things you do with your eyebrows?

Why pluck your eyebrows out and then just draw them back?
Especially if it’s clear you haven’t got the knack
They look like they were drawn on by a three year old
Who’s used a magic marker, wearing a blindfold

And there’s the metro guys who try to stay ‘on fleek’
You need to get art more, you narcissistic freaks
Why can’t they face the facts like Burt on Sesame Street
Instead of sculpting their monobrow with a metric tonne of Veet

Some lasses shave them off and draw them back too high
I’d tell them to their face, but they’d still look surprised
Armed with huge tweezers that they got from Marks & Sparks
Why take ‘em off and draw ‘em back like Groucho Marx?

That pained expression that you drew for all to see
You’d still look narked off, if you won the lottery
I see folks shake their heads and quickly run and hide
They’re like angry caterpillars in formaldehyde

Don’t wanna to see ‘em painted, painted, painted, painted back
Black and wide
You dun’t need ‘em stencilled on - looking cross or surprised
Don’t want to see ‘em painted, painted, painted, painted back

credits

from 'Ave It : Bold As Brass (2017), released June 17, 2017

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican image

The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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