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lyrics

I’ve had a problem for a while when rising from a chair
There’s now a weird old grunting sound that I emit
And though I know that there’s no benefit...
I now do make it

Will you please pardon my loud outbursts of obscenities
I guess you think that what I’ve got could be Tourettes
But when my spine it clicks like castanets
It drives me insane
It’s not just middle age

Rheumatic pain shoots from my arse down to my thighs
And when it comes to call I’m traumatised
Can’t feel my toes right now

It’s probably a sign that I’m not getting younger now
Because my back is going out more now than me
I need more batteries for me TENS machine
It’s a mean machine

I ascertain to exert force would be unwise
Forget aerobic exercise
Apply that Deep Heat pack

My lower back feels like it’s been kicked by a buffalo
While hippy mates suggest I join pilates class
You know just where to shove your yoga mat

I’ve seen a chiropractor, physio and osteopath
Been a pin-cushion for the acupuncturist
If it’s a ruptured herniated disc
I’ll need an exorcist...
But there’s a waiting list

Can’t entertain my lumbar pain L1 to 5
It numbs my buttocks, legs and thighs
Can’t sit it hurts my back

Auf Wiedersehn to all my pain please set it loose
There beneath kind hands and my masseuse
She’s called Penny Laine

credits

from Rugh & Ryf (2022), released May 25, 2022
Scott: vocals, acoustic guitar, piano, bass, drum programming, kazoo solo
Björn: tenor banjo, mandolin
Alan: piano accordion

Written by Scott Doonican and Amanda White

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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