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lyrics

Portaloo
(Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Amanda White)
 
Oh my, the portaloos are absolutely mingin’
Oh yeah, but I have had three days of holdin’ it all in
And I know not pooing is bad for your health
But it’s better than shitting yourself
 
Portaloo, the festival food’s med me bum so sore
Portaloo, I’ve queued up and now I can’t shut the door
Portaloo, no amount of wet-wipes are gonna do
Portaloo, like Russian Roulette, I’m not trying you
Woah woah woah woah portaloo
There’s no way I’m facing the portaloo
 
Oh my, I tried to block the smell but it was stronger
Oh God, there’s no loo-roll, there’s no lights or santiser for me hands
It was dark, I was drunk, now I’m blue
‘cos I’ve piddled all over me shoes
 
Portaloo, no way to predict what you’ve got in store
Portaloo, what horrible things lurk behind your door?
Portaloo, I wish that yer contents were out of view
Portaloo, thought it was a fart, but I followed through
Woah woah woah woah portaloo
There’s no way I’m facing the portaloo
 
I hope this horrible feeling goes off
‘cos I’m desperate and I’m touching cloth
 
Portaloo, I’ve been defeated, you won the war
Portaloo, what dirty get’s done one on the floor
Portaloo, the smell inside here, it’s like Chester Zoo
Portaloo, having to squat for a Number 2
Woah woah woah woah portaloo
Finally facing the portaloo
Woah woah woah woah portaloo
I’m never embracing the portaloo

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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