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lyrics

Ring! Ring!
Lyrics: Scott Doonican
 
Watching telly sat at home, when I hear the telephone
So I leave my seat and go to get the receiver
It’s a cheery Geordie voice, who isn’t in his job by choice
But he’s trying to ascertain if I’m the home owner
And as me eyes roll to the sky, he asks if I’ve bought PPI
 
Oh no! Ring! Ring! Do I sound like I like a cold call?
Ring! Ring! While I rant and I rave and I bawl
Ring! Ring! Feel like smashing me phone off the wall
And as I sit there and shout impatiently
While you just carry on obliviously
So Ring! Ring! Me patience is getting quite small
So Ring! Ring! Yes, you’re driving me right up the wall
So Ring! Ring! Why on Earth are you still bangin’ on?
So Ring! Ring! Do you not understand? Bugger off!
 
Oh no! Me laptop’s broken down,
The screen’s died, I sigh and frown
So I bite the bullet and call the support centre number
Where a robot voice tells me, options 1 to 23
Then I’m left on hold for what seems to be forever
Playing ‘My Heart Will Go On’
Till I could murder Celine Dion
 
Ring! Ring! Two hours to answer my call
Ring! Ring! And it’s clear now I’m through to Nepal
Ring! Ring! Is there someone to translate at all?
And just when I think all hope is gone
I’m asked if I’ve switched it off and on
So Ring! Ring! Me patience is getting quite small
So Ring! Ring! Yes, you’re driving me right up the wall
So Ring! Ring! There’s no way that your name is Paul
So Ring! Ring! Then you hang up on me after all!

credits

from Talk Of The Tarn (2014), released May 25, 2014

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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