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lyrics

Shave Tonight
Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Amanda White
 
Your vintage clothes look like curtains
Wearing sunglasses in candlelight
Checkered shirt and an oak-casked wine
You think it’s cool to smoke a pipe
 
On your bike with huge headphones
And your woolly hat when it’s summery
Tek your beard and your waxed moustache
And put us out of our misery

Shave tonight and fight the Hipster trend
You’re a numpty and that beard should be condemned
Shave tonight don’t look so nonchalant
In a cereal café eating artisan croissants

Listening to Arcade Fire
Carry a manbag cos it’s on LP
Got a record player from Urban Outfitters
And now you act all bourgeoisie
 
Big bowties and bespoke tweed
You consume gadgets and flaxseed
“Got the latest iphone don’t you know
Because 4G is far too slow”
 
Shave tonight, then ditch the skinny jeans
You love organic but what the hell’s a soya bean?
Shave tonight don’t instagram or blog
You’re so retro, that your ipad’s analogue

I hear a noise, from your CD Walkman
An obscure hit from Kazakhstan
You say “You’ve prob’ly haven’t heard of it”
Well I’m pretty glad ‘cos it sounds shit
 
Shave tonight before the break of day
Cos you look like, you’re Tom Hanks in Castaway
Shave tonight get sponsored by Gillette
One last listen, to Kid A on cassette
 
Shave tonight, it’s not the old wild west
You’re so unique that you look like all the rest
Shave tonight that beard is out of hand
Don’t be hipster, just go join an indie band
go join an indie band…
Shave tonight…

credits

from T'South 0 - Tarn 4 (2016), released May 11, 2016

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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