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lyrics

Snoring In Your Sleep
Lyrics: Scott Doonican / Amanda White
 
There’s a problem, although you’re in my heart
Reaching a certain pitch, that rings out in the dark
For miles and miles I’m sure that folk could hear
A noise like a foghorn that makes me want to swear
Normally I love every piece of you
But don’t underestimate the things that I will do
 
The sound is so raw, it’s like a buzz-saw
I’m laid here blinking as I’d almost drifted off
If you don’t stop this, I could leave you breathless
I lift my pillow, ‘cos you drive me up the wall
You’re snoring in your sleep
It’s louder than a big brass band
And it’s clearly not discrete
 
I wouldn’t mind so much if you’d got cold
I’d rub your chest with vabo-rub
And I’d act more concerned
But think of me in the depths of my despair
‘cos it sounds like I’m laid next to a chuffin’ grizzly bear
 
Even with those snore-strips, the chance of some kip
Is just about as likely as a National Lottery win
‘cos they close your nose up and leave you breathless
So you cough and splutter
While I scream and shout and ball
‘cos you’re snoring in your sleep
It’s louder than a baby grand
Being jumped on with both feet
There’s times that I just wish that I was counting sheep
But I reckon they’d just bugger off
‘cos you can hear it in the street
 
I throw the duvet right over me head
I’m wearing ear protectors
Whilst I’m slept in the spare bed
But come sunrise, the early morning light
You’ll rise fresh and eager,
While I’m laid there feeling shite
 
The sound is shredding, it does me head in
It could hit a seven on the chuffing Richter Scale
If you don’t stop this, I could leave you breathless
I lift my pillow ‘cos it drives me up the wall
You’re snoring in your sleep
It sounds just like a wrecking ball
That has landed on a sheep
It drives me up the wall, ‘cos you’re snoring in your sleep
Your throat is gently in my hands
I could rock you, rock you, rock you, rock you fast asleep

credits

from Talk Of The Tarn (2014), released May 25, 2014

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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