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lyrics

Broke down in the street
Passing through Heckmondwyke
Late at night and chuffing raining
Me guts doing flips, summat clearly not right
Me colon feeling quite explosive

I regret that egg sarnie, a day out of date
Stomach’s churning, really squirming
Wished I'd had that unripe banana instead
I need a toilet now!

I had to squat in the park
The nearest place out of public view
By the swings in the dark
Before sheltering under the bandstand's roof

Just then a police car pulled up by the gates
Blue lights on and siren blasting
A suspicious policemen got out and asked me
How I'd first got into flashing

It appears an old lady had dialled treble one
From her house overlooking my exposed, bare bum
I'd been caught by the Fuzz after I'd been caught short
So I spent a night in the cells

I'd had to squat in the park
And my innocent act was misconstrued
Now my future looks stark
And the police cell had no working loo!

A miscarriage of justice, I plan to appeal
And I now know just how Paula Radcliffe must feel
If only I'd brought me dog I'd have blamed him instead
And I'd not be in this mess

I had to squat in the park
The closest place I could stagger to
I left the worst calling card
But a man must do what a man must do

credits

from Rugh & Ryf (2022), released May 25, 2022
Scott: vocals, acoustic guitar, bouzouki, mandolin, keyboards, electric guitar, bass, drum programming
Björn: tenor banjo, fiddle
Alan: piano accordion

Written by Alan Doonican, Scott Doonican and Amanda White

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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