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lyrics

Pub DJ
(Lyrics: S.Doonican/B.Doonicansson/A.White)

‘Ar lass dragged me here, said I could have a beer
A little bit of buffet, then we’d disappear
But my heart just sank when I saw your van
Can we go, love? (No we can’t!)
Uptown Funk, a bit o’ Daft Punk
Brown Eyed Girl and Love Shack
Don’t Stop Believing and I Gotta Feeling
There’s just no end to this crap
 
How are you still in business? God you’re tekkin the biscuit
Playing all I despise
I can’t tell what you’re saying
But know that if you play the Macarena I will gouge out your eyes
 
You’re just another Pub DJ, Playing Summer of 69
When you gonna stop DJ? Cos I’d rather drink turpentine
 
More Dick Van Dyk than Paul Van Dyk
Announcing the buffet, as you mumble down the mic
The Cha Cha Slide, Sweet Child O’ Mine
And Gazza & Lindisfarne’s ‘Fog On The Tyne’
You just sup, but the grans are up
Dancing like their doing Zumba
And I’ll more than frown, and you’ll get knocked down
If you try playing Chumbawumba
 
Don't play The Smiths to appease me, every song you play's cheesy
Please stop dropping the beat
I just need a breather, from your six foot speakers
And the Village People stuck on repeat
 
You're just a reight bad Pub DJ, with a tonne of naff flashing lights
And ‘cool’ is what you’re not, DJ? About as smooth as Vanilla Ice
So why don’t you just stop DJ? Your awful playlists are just non-stop
Get out and see some bands DJ, playing instruments not laptops
 
The Megamix from Grease, it’s a breach of the peace
And you know that it’s wrong
Like Lionel Richie I’m easy, but if you're playin' that… I’m gone!
 
But still you carry on, DJ, while little kids on the dancefloor slide
It’s gone a bit Pete Tong, DJ, why on earth are you amplified?
You're just an awful Pub DJ, making lasses round handbags jive
Have a few nights off, DJ, because we'd rather keep music live

credits

from 'Ave It : Bold As Brass (2017), released June 17, 2017

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The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican UK

Hailing from Barnsley, The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican are Britain's hardest working comedy band. Having played over 1,100 anarchic live shows to date, they are instantly recognisable for their immaculate hair and their stylish dress-sense. The have been critically acclaimed to be the UK festival scene's undisputed Kings of Parody. ... more

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